When Did I become Tom Quinn
by Abigal
Summary: Doubts and conflict begin to come between Harry and Ruth still a modest M rating
1. Chapter 1

**When did I become Tom Quinn **

_All belongs to Kudos and/or BBC….rating leaning toward M, so you are warned. _

"When did I become Tom Quinn?" It is rhetorical from Harry Pearce thinking over his career with MI5.

"When did I become you?" Ruth asks the question not really expecting Harry to answer. They are sitting in Harry's living room both having had too much to drink, but not so much that they weren't at themselves. It had been a draining 48 hours.

Looking a little slyly at Ruth, Harry ventures another comment, emboldened by the Scotch. "Well at least they couldn't' say you're shagging the boss since it seems I'm to be forced out."

"Not so fast Sir Harry. I may be inebriated but I haven't destroyed all my brain cells. We have not shagged." It is the best response Ruth has, short of moving into his arms and doing as he suggests.

"Why not consider it then," replies Harry giving his most charming smile. "It is Valentine's Day weekend."

For once, Ruth decides not to think. Thinking rarely is good for her private life. Oh it's great for work. It just never works when she applies all her knowledge and experience to herself. She leans toward Harry. "Show me what you want," she says in a whisper as if someone might hear.

Harry also decides it's not the time to think since Ruth is for the first time willing. He gently places his hands on her shoulders and pulls her to him. They kiss. They Begin with short bursts of kisses, not like teens, but like two adults who understand the art of lovemaking. They are exploring. They increase the pressure and interval of their kisses. Her hands begin roaming his body. Harry takes this as permission to do the same. Both are still fully clothed, but their hands are starting to find ways beneath these barriers to allow flesh to touch flesh.

"Should I slow down," asks Harry, his breathing laboring from excitement and a fear he is dreaming. He thinks she will disappear from his arms any moment.

"No. No." Ruth repeats the words between kisses. Her breathing too is laboring from excitement and anticipation. She starts to unbutton his shirt collar. A hand reaches up and stops her. With her eyes she questions why. She doesn't want to stop.

Harry sees the question in her eyes. "No darling. It is not what you think. I just want this to be perfect. I want you in my bed, not on my sofa." Then he chuckles. Again there is the question with her beautiful eyes. "Well I know it's not the time to be practical, but the sofa is leather and whoever ends up against it may experience more pain than pleasure." Harry again has a shy look about him as he tries to not laugh and look at Ruth at the same time. He sees the humor of the situation. He's actually stopping her.

"Harry, you are telling now is the time to be practical?" Harry hears in Ruth's voice that the moment is rapidly being lost.

"Well you understand? Haven't you ever sat on a leather seat in shorts and when you go to stand you find your flesh attached? It can be excruciating to pull the skin free from the leather. I was thinking that at some point it might be you and I don't want any mark on your beautiful delicate skin."

"It could just as easily be you," is Ruth's response as she pushes him down on the sofa and she lands on top of him.

Harry grabs both her hands and rolling her toward the back of the sofa, he flips her onto her back. "Yes and it can be you." Smiles have returned to both their eyes as the moment is regained and they again begin to explore the sensitive areas of each other with their hands and kissing. Tongues battle for dominance. Hands increase their pressure and move closer to erogenous zones.

Again Ruth starts to unbutton Harry's shirt as she has maneuvered on top of him again. Harry again grabs her hands. It has become a game. He has the strength, she has the guile. Both smile.

"Harry, we can leave the back of your shirt between you and the sofa."

"Ruth, it's not exactly my back I'm worried about." She smiles as she mentally and silently notes the possibilities. He adds, "I am also concerned for you and you don't seem to take me seriously. Still, if you want us to make love for the first time on my sofa, I will forever cherish it and be assured the sofa will never be removed from its place of honor."

During all the conversation, once Harry had freed hers, their hands had continued to play with each other's hair and feel each other's body. He can't stop touching her. She can't stop touching him. She's amazed at how solid he is, not fat, but the build of a man. He thinks she is so soft with skin like satin. Beautiful like fine English china.

"I will of course Ruth allow you the honor of being first to test your theory about the sofa if you want to continue." He has once again flipped her onto her back and onto the sofa. This time he starts to undo the buttons of her blouse, and slides his hands around to remove her bra. They are still kissing. She pulls him tighter against her. She starts to work his shirt from his body. Then Ruth stops abruptly. Once again Harry fears he will spend a night of frustration. He looks to her face. She is pushing him away with her hands, but her eyes still smile.

"Come on get off me Harry." His face looks sad. "You are right. Let's go to your bed." She is conceding that he is right.

Harry rolls off of Ruth and pulls her to her feet. Where her elbow has connected with the sofa, she now sees what Harry means; the separation of flesh from leather is painful. Like a bandage, she pulls her arm free quickly expressing a minor yelp.

"I tried to tell you. Just be thankful it was only your elbow," Harry says with a smile. He takes her in his arms again and kisses her and then moves to her earlobe, neck pulse, and the tops of her breasts. As he is about to suckle her nipples, it is Ruth's turn to stop him.

With a lilt she observes, "Let's move to the bedroom before we find ourselves on the carpet and discussing rug burns." It is Harry's turn to laugh at her being practical as he pulls away from her body. Hand in hand, Harry leads her to the bedroom. Their clothes are disheveled so there is still the pleasure to come from finishing what they have started with the undressing each other.

**Reviews appreciated…next chapter will at some point backtrack to how they ended up at Harry's house. Needless to say it happens after the HS phone call to Harry at the end of series 9. **


	2. Chapter 2

When did I become Tom Quinn

Still own nothing…rating still a modest M

As they made it to Harry's bedroom, he pulls her against the doorframe of the room and leans in and kisses her. After a long moment, they pull apart and step into the room.

Slowly they start to undress each other. She finishes removing his shirt, he her blouse and bra. They hesitate a moment as they start to remove the rest of each other's garments. Both inhale deeply. Both hearts are pumping at a dangerously fast rate. They look at each other and continue to kiss again as the ritual begins and all physical and emotional barriers have come down.

Harry gently lays Ruth onto the bed and then lies beside her. The passion is growing. She wants him. He wants her. They want to merge as one.

More than an hour later they collapse into the pillows of the bed both gasping for air. Neither wants to break the spell of the moment. Harry knows his timing with words is lousy and says nothing. Ruth thinks she must say something.

"I always knew it would be fantastic." She's still panting from the exertion. She can't yet catch her breath. She reaches for Harry's hand that is at his side. Their fingers entwine. "We really should have done this sooner," she jokes.

"As I recall there is this issue of timing," quips Harry, regretting the words as soon as he utters them. "I mean. I'm just joking. What we have isn't a joke. I want you in my life always."

"Harry, timing is no longer an issue, and just try getting rid of me now. You think you are Tom Quinn, I think I might turn into Vicky Westbrook."

"Who?" Harry's confused.

"The doctor who almost ruined Tom's career just as Christine came along."

"Oh yes, I remember her. Christine is much better suited to Tom. I think you may be more a Christine than a Vicky."

"I think I will just be Ruth."

"Ruth, what did you mean you had become me last night when we started talking on the sofa?"

Ruth smiled at the memory of the sofa conversation. Then she stopped to ponder how to answer Harry's question. "I meant I had become like you. You once said intimacy leads to trust and trust leads to betrayal. I fear your betrayal. I've blocked my conscience. I've learned to ignore it. You once said in talking about Tom that an officer who discovers one becomes like a loose cannon."

"I also recall you Ruth saying that when one's conscience implodes, it can take down others."

"True enough. I emptied a clip from a semi-automatic pistol into an assassin and felt nothing. John leaps to his death and I'm relieved you are alive," says Ruth chancing a glance at Harry. She leaves the death of George unsaid.

"Well , I was rather glad I survived it," quipped Harry who knows he can just as easily be the one who is dead, and now experiencing heaven in Ruth's arms. "My conscience did explode when I knew John kidnapped you because of me. I would not survive your death. Like Tom, I found love and now my life is not the same. I did make a decision to give up a useless weapon in exchange for your life. It was not your turn." The conversation was getting serious and both were now on their sides facing each other.

"Harry when you said those words to me as you left to meet John I was so furious with you and so afraid. Yet my conscience was not letting me stop you. The officer in me said it was your choice, as it should have been my choice."

Fearing a fight brewing, Harry decided to try and conclude the conversation. "Tom went off the reservation. He didn't go down without a fight, and perhaps he was right when he tried to protect the sleeper agent…still I'm not looking backward. I just knew, as Tom did that I had to protect you."

"Does that mean you need to be decommissioned?"

"No, because I did have a plan to get the useless weapon back unfortunately everything went pear shape. Where you are concern I will always try to save you, as Adam tried to save Fiona. As Danny saved Fiona. As Adam saved so many by choosing to sacrifice himself. As Malcolm saved Nico." There, he'd said it. "Malcolm went against orders in entering that safe house."

Ruth said nothing.

"Ruth is George always going to be between us, a barrier?"

"George is dead. It is not your fault nor do I blame you. You were always between me and George."

Harry is now silent.

"Harry you know I loved you that day on the dock when I had to leave, and I still loved you the day I came back. Still I had made a happy life for myself and resented so much being dragged back into this dark world we inhabit."

"Do you still resent it?"

"No. It is part of me and I think that somewhere I knew I would find a way to return. It is unfortunate the circumstances, but I think fate plays a role in our lives. There's free will, but once a choice is made, events unfold we cannot control."

Harry raises his eyebrows as he looks at her, "This from a Classist?"

For the first time since the start of the conversation Ruth and Harry both smile.

"Ruth do we need to discuss this anymore or can we finally let the dead rest and live our lives as it is meant to be?"

"I believe we can be happy without forgetting the sacrifices of others," said Ruth as she pulls Harry to her. "Let's not talk of the past again. Let's think only of the future."

Before Harry succumbed to another round of lovemaking with Ruth, he had one more question. "I have to talk about one more thing and then I promise we go forward."

Ruth nodded. "You've listened to me. It is only fair."  
"I'd failed to save you almost five years ago. I couldn't fail again. How did you know to show up right at the end of the conversation with the home secretary? Has he been confiding in you again?" Harry was feeling a bit jealous, although it was ridicules giving what has been transpiring and what is about to transpire again.

"No Harry, I had Tariq tap into your cellphone. I alone listened in on the conversation as I made my way to you." Harry was shocked that his once mild timid Ruth had turned into such a true spy. "I heard the words of the home secretary and only wanted to be there for you."

"Ruth you have been here for me but given the inquiry that is upcoming, I'm not sure how long I'll be here for you."

"That night after the call, I made my decision to come home with you Harry. There was and is no way I will leave your side. You did what you did to save me. If you go down for this, then we go down together."

"Ruth I can't let you sacrifice yourself. Never again will I let that."

"You can't stop me Harry."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you remember when I left to pick up a few things before coming here?"

Harry nodded.

"I made a call to the Home Secretary and then a few others. I made it clear should you be sacrificed in anyway; I would leave the services immediately. Over the years I've published articles under aliases and have several standing offers from various universities around the world to lecture or teach. I made it clear I would also not go quietly about your treatment. There would be no officer X to discuss in the media."

Harry was now stunned into silence.

"I have an understanding that you won't be going anywhere until you make that decision. That includes the lifting of the mandatory retirement age. You are free to stay as Section D head as long as you desire and believe yourself capable of performing the job."

Harry was quiet. "I once told you I don't need you to fight my battles for me." He was a bit angry. His male pride somewhat bruised having a woman come to his rescue. "It seems you do for me what I never am able to do for you."

"Harry, you saved my life. You risked everything."

Because of his caveman ego, Harry's temper was starting to reach its critical stage. He pulled away from her. "So all this is your way of thanking me? You just want to take pity on the old man?" Harry was now out of bed with a sheet draped around him pacing around his bedroom. "Maybe you should leave now Ruth." He said it quick and abrupt and made his way toward the bathroom.

"Harry! Harry stop!" Her words were useless. His male pride was wounded. Ruth made her mind up. This wasn't ending here.

Ruth went to the door and banged on it. He had locked it and started the shower. "Go away," he ordered. She wasn't leaving this time. This time Ruth plans to see this through to the finish even if it finally finishes whatever it is she and Harry have. She returned to the bed to await his return. She crawled under the covers and pulled her knees to her chest. She would wait him out. The famous Harry Pearce temper is not going to get the best of Ruth Evershed.

More to follow


	3. Chapter 3

When did I become Tom Quinn

Not mine belongs to Kudos/BBC et al

Harry took a hot steamy shower, trying to wash all the pleasant memories of the past 24 hours from his memory. It didn't work. When he stepped out of the bathroom, with only a towel wrapped around his waist, he was shocked to find Ruth still in his bed, knees pulled back against her chest and arms wrapped around them.

"I know I told you to leave!" Harry, still being autocratic, believes it is enough to make Ruth run.

It's not.

"We need to talk."

"I think we've done enough of that for a lifetime. Two lifetimes and all the lifetimes of those cut short in our line of work."

Ruth could tell Harry's ego was bruised. He was hurting. That much she was sure.

"I'm not going anywhere," said Ruth.

"I can pick you up, and set you out in the street," warned Harry.

Ruth knew he could do it, but would he? "Then go ahead and kill whatever chance there is for us to be an us."

Harry started to move toward her thinking it would be enough to make her scamper from his bed. It wasn't. Then Harry proceeded to dress for bed. "I'm going to sleep. You can stay here or not, but don't come back when you do leave." With that he crawled into his bed, turned away from Ruth and cut out the light. Ruth just sat there. She didn't say anything. She didn't move for at least an hour. Finally she got out of the bed and went to take her own shower. She planned to dress and leave.

Harry had thought Ruth by now would be trying to talk to him, trying to get him to talk, but she did nothing but go and take a shower. He watched as she exited the bathroom, pretending he was sleeping. Ruth knew he wasn't. Then she started dressing, not for bed but to leave. Harry's breathing deepened. He thought, _isn't she going to try and fight for us. Isn't she going to do something?_

Ruth's temper too had reached critical mass and now she knew if she speaks there will be no going back. In fact, she knew there will be no going back anyway. As she starts to leave she turns and makes one statement to Harry, "If I make it out your front door, I won't see you again. I won't return to MI5. I won't return to your place, nor allow you in mine. I will leave. I will disappear as I did once before and you will never see me nor I you. I know you have tolerated much from me. I have equally tolerated much from you. Now you act the injured party because I save your sorry arse. I have had it with you and your diva attitude. Then maybe that's what you want. You've finally had your dream fulfilled, and you can move on. So be it. Goodbye Harry."

Her words shock Harry. _Surely she doesn't mean what she says. Where will she go? What will she do?_ Just as quickly he knew she has survived on her own before and can do so again and this time with more knowledge to avoid being tracked by any would-be kidnapper. She can cover her trail. She's learned she can kill when she has to if her life depends on it or the life of someone else.

Ruth is only halfway out the bedroom door when Harry darts from the bed and grabs her, tosses her garment bag to the floor and carries her back to the bed.

"Put me down," demands Ruth.'

He does, on his bed.

"Harry," Ruth says his name as a warning.

"You're right." That's all Harry says then he pushes her back onto the bed and kisses her. She struggles against him.

"No!" She yells. Ruth isn't going to give in to passion before everything is resolved.

Harry's still kissing her, "you are so sexy when you are angry."

"This isn't about sex Harry. Did you listen to me?"

"I may have stopped somewhere after you declared I would never see you again. My greatest fear. I panicked. The rest I don't know." Harry responded and stopped kissing her, but he didn't turn loose of Ruth either. "I'll chain you here if I must."

"That's just it Harry. You storm off like the injured person tossing all the blame at me and then demand I leave. That's too childish for you. That's too childish for Dimitri."

"I wondered how long before you mentioned him. Don't think I haven't noticed his flirting with you in the office."

"So, you have always encouraged inter-office romance," said Ruth.

"Not between anyone with you," said Harry, his eyes full of passion. "You are mine." He declares it in a voice that allows for no question, but Ruth does question it. She is the only one who can

"Harry do you realize how 12th century you sound?"

"I thought that was one of your favorites," he replies, beginning to kiss her neck, her ear, her mouth. His response did draw a smile from Ruth's lips. Still, she needs to talk with Harry and again stops him.

"Get off me. We are going to discuss what is going on and then act like adults," states Ruth with emphasis.

Harry can see he isn't going to distract Ruth with passion, so he relents and they sit on the edge of the bed. They hold hands.

"Harry, I love you, but if you ever give me an ultimatum again, it will be the last you give me. If we share a home it will be ours. No one will throw the other out. One may choose to leave." Harry glances up when she says they can choose to leave. He doesn't want her to leave and he doesn't want to leave.

Ruth continued, "We may even revisit the idea of marriage." Again Harry looks hopeful. Then she adds, "It's clear you aren't ready for that yet and again as long as I am legally free, no one can control me or keep me where I don't desire to be."

"Are you finished Ruth?"

"Yes."

"Then I agree to everything. Draw it up in a legal document if you like. I'll sign anything. I'll give you anything. I want you to be with me and part of me, my life here and at work. I have my own stipulation. We will not hide our relationship from anyone. We will be open and honest with our co-workers. They deserve that from us. We will fill out the proper forms for socialization. No secrets. That's all I want. I will not let you be ashamed of me."

"Harry, I've never been ashamed of you."

Ruth thought about what Harry said and felt it fair given all that's happened and will happen. "There will be no legal document Harry. I said I don't want anything to tie me down if I decide to leave. The only legal document will be a marriage license when we decide together the time is right. As they had talked, Sunday had turned to Monday, and Ruth looked at Harry and said, "Happy Valentine's Day."

Harry moved closer to Ruth and softly kissed her and the game of lovemaking began again as they once more started undressing each other as their passion increased and they began again to discover secrete sensitive sites on each other's body.

Between kisses Ruth asked, "Harry, do you think we can call in sick today."

"Definitely," he replied as he nuzzled her neck.

"Do you think we might get some food in the near future?"

"Maybe," was Harry's only reply as he kissed her again. This time she was flipping him onto his back.

**The end**


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